Things I learned when I fell in love with my best friend

1. I can love seriously. I'm not saying that I didn't before but I was not knowledgeable about love very much and i'm not saying that I am now. I guess what i'm trying to say is that when I fell in love with my best friend, I realized that he was my first love and not the one who I thought when I was in elementary. I loved him so much to the point that I didn't even love myself anymore and completely disregarded myself. He didn't demand anything, it was all me. It felt like I needed him and maybe I did, who knows. I loved him too much but I did love him with every fiber of my being.

2. Love is a gamble. Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some. Sometimes it can be happy and sometimes it's kinda sad. Confessing to him was one of the biggest gamble I ever did, not because I was expecting him to like me back but because our friendship is also in the line. The reason I told him even though there's a chance our friendship would be ruined because it was slowly killing me in the inside. I loved him more than a friend and I knew he knew how I felt for him. I gambled in the name of love, not willing to fold, so I just went all-in. That's what love does to people, building or breaking relationships but I would do it all over again regardless of the pain and tears.

3. Becoming one with pain. I learned how to be strong and hold on when almost every one told me to let go and not stay. It was so easy to say but so hard to do. I loved him, he was my world, my happiness, my everything and he never knew. I can't count the nights where I would sleep with tears in my eyes. It's one of the hardest things in life because you are my best friend, and I liked you and how I wished we could be something more. Everyday became a constant battle with myself, forcing myself to be happy and smile whenever you're around but I was breaking inside. No matter the pain, as long as I saw that you're happy, then I'm happy even if it means you liking another girl. I got used to the pain and when I stopped liking him, I shut myself down especially my emotions. I got so tired of all the pain and hurt and somehow got used to it. But that doesn't mean I became weak, I think I got stronger and after everything, I felt free.

4. Appreciate and love myself. On my journey of moving on from you, I started to focus on improving myself and learning to love my flaws and imperfections. I found time for myself and invested on making myself a better version. I learned that I was capable of loving so much so I loved myself more and removed the mindset that I need a crush or boyfriend to be happy. I was happy, I am happy. I admit, moving on wasn't easy, It took me months to finally get over you but i'm not entirely sure that I am over you. My feelings for you are so scary. It was so intense but not anymore.

5. Appreciate the people around you. I realized how blessed I am with my family and friends. I appreciated them more when I was such a wreck. To the friends who say me in my ups and downs, Thank you for always being there whenever I feel depressed or anxious. They became my rock and I felt safe whenever I'm with them. I felt happy and content. Overall, I am just to thankful that I have people who I know has my back in everything and will always be proud of me, now and always.

Comment below if I'm not alone with feeling these emotions.