The Story of How I Fell in love with my Best friend

Falling in love. What does that even REALLY mean? Was it like when I was about 10 years old, I thought falling in love was when I liked this high school kid so much that I became lowkey obsessed with him and I considered him my first love? Back then, I really thought that it meant that. But as I grew up, falling in love became harder and harder to recognize and define each passing day. Falling in love especially to myself but this is not about how I fell in love with myself but worse, with my best friend.

Did I regret falling for him? No. Do I still love him? Maybe. Are we still friends? Yes. Am I ready to fall again?

A lot of my close friends already know this story and has seen my ups and downs. Quick spoiler: We never happened. If you think that this is a story of how I told him I liked him and he also said he liked me back, then you're in the wrong post. Maybe some people are lucky enough to have that but not me and especially not this story.

This is my story on how I fell in love with my best friend.

This is in my perspective.

Freshman year (Grade 7): I didn't know him. He didn't know me. I was in Class A and he was in Class B. I was such a friendly person that during that year I think that I almost knew all of the names of my batch mates. Being the only one who transferred, I knew no one but that didn't stop me from making friends even if I looked like a mom with my circular glasses, chubby face and wearing a stripped polo top to which my mom forced me to wear.

I don't believe in love at first sight but I felt a connection with him. And I didn't even know him back then. We were just acquaintances roaming the same halls. We interacted here and there but nothing major. We were just still strangers to each other.

Sophomore year (Grade 8): New school year and new classmates, since the re-sectioning was done based from our grades in last year. I saw a lot of familiar faces who I became classmates with the previous year, and there were also new faces and one of it was him... it was you.

I was so happy inside that I finally had the chance to get to know you. I finally had the chance to be friends with you. In my mind, I already predicted it that we would be best of friends and we did.... until feelings got involved. This year, we did become closer and I was too young to acknowledge my feelings for you. We were so sweet to each other and maybe that was the time, I fell for you. I fell for your capabilities to make me smile, tell numerous silly jokes that would make me laugh and overall just making me happy. But what I failed to see was it was not only to me that you wanted to see happy, it was for everybody. Oh how silly of me back then to have my heart race for nothing.

I got to  know you better. What you liked and what you didn't like. You hated conflicts so much and just avoided it. But as I got to know you more, the little things and the big things, my feelings got a little bit deeper.

I liked you back then, and somehow you knew. Someone told you. I mean how couldn't I? You were making me happy and all the little things that we did. Rumors spread that you liked me back, I was happy because the feelings was mutual I guess but that was before I knew I wasn't the only one. He liked me because of my personality, and he liker her because she was pretty. Being an insecure 13/14 year old, I was devastated. How could I even compete with THAT?? She was pretty. I wasn't. So when I received the news, I backed out. I surrendered a battle I didn't even fight for which I should've. So I gave up, I chose for him. I wanted him to be with the pretty girl that he liked.

My biggest mistake that year was falling in love with a person who is so toxic and heartless.

Junior Year (Grade 9): I liked another boy and it just ended pretty badly. It was so bad and toxic that the only way I thought I could heal from the stupid heartache was through cutting. I was so stupid. Hurting myself for something I can't even have a control of and for someone who doesn't even deserve me and my tears.

He liked someone else. He REALLY liked someone else. I didn't know why, but my heart hurt more that what that other dude did to me. I couldn't explain it but it was pain I had no explanation as to why I was feeling it. It was just there whenever he talked about her or just anything related to her basically.

Senior Year (Grade 10): Last year in my version of hell. I became more vocal with my feelings for you. And also, spurting out saying i'm going to move on from you just seemed so impossible to do. You were my happiness even if it meant me not being with you, just so I can see you happy. I liked him very much. But it just kept torturing our friendship to the point that we couldn't even speak to each other when we used to be kind of inseparable. I mean how could we not when we liked a lot of similar things as to which I could remember crystal clear back then, but not anymore.

Everything happened so fast. I got used to the pain that I became numb and when we kind of did a closure for something I don't even know we have. Everything you said was like a dagger to my heart but I liked you too much that I endured the pain everyday. I learned a lot of things in my journey of liking you that I never knew myself.

You still make me happy and I'm happy that you're still part of my life. I'll post a separate blog post on what I learned when I fell in love with my best friend.

Comment below what you think about my story and if you want to share something if you have similar experiences as me, I would love to hear them. :)